Rules o' Life 2006 ed.
It is a time-honored tradition of mine to compile lists of helpful rules of life. Things such as "A refrigerator is not an exit," which comes from tested life experience, or "Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup" which comes from a bumper sticker. I believe that since we have reached Holy Week once again (good Lord almighty, really?!) it is again appropriate for me to share with you my thoughts on life, the universe and everything. (42.)
1. The day you put down grass seed will be the day the turkey shows up.
Inveritably, it will be. Who knew, but that the Close, in deepest, darkest Manhattan, had a reoccuring turkey that appeared every spring? And yet, the day that the intrepid maitenience department re-seeded the lawn was the day that the Turkey reappeared. Tis a mythic thing.
2. Never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State.
This comes from Dogma, but it is still a Rule o'Life. I was forceably reminded of this the other day at lunch, in discussions with a wonderful and fabulous scholar of various religious traditions. She was listing off all these different esoteric groups that had their American headquarters in New Jersey: Mandeans, Zoroastrians, the Drews, various Sufi and Sikh sects, the Antiochene church, a wide variety of Southeastern Asian Shi'a Muslim groups. Because if you're going to be a tiny tiny religious community, best get started in the Middle East, then move to New Jersey!
3. Sit next to people with senses of humor. Otherwise, life sucks.
I put jokes in my notes. Lots and lots of jokes. The more boring I think the class is, the more jokes appear in my notes. This helps me to study later, and helps me pay attention. (Though occasionally, I do crack myself up. When I constantly refer to Cyrus, King of Persia as 'Dreamy!Cyrus' in my notes on Second Isaiah, or begin to compose a theme song for the Antiochene 'Logos-Man!' in CH1, then it becomes too distracting.***) However, I type notes on my computer, and so they can be easily read by whoever is sitting next to me in class. When/if that person doesn't appreciate my occasional joke, pop culture reference, or perhaps, use of vulgarities, then the class is not as much fun.
4. Choir stall seating has MAJOR disadvantages on days when the lectionary is humorous.
So one day, for Morning Prayer, the reading was Proverbs 30:18-20, 24-33. Go ahead, read it. Look it up. This is possibly the most random reading in all of scripture. (A foretaste: "If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth. For as pressing milk produces curds, and pressing the nose produces blood, so pressing anger produces strife.") First off, it was 8am. No one had had coffee yet. And I give full credit to the reader, who was truly rocking this reading, and kept a total straight face, through the talk about ants, and badgers and curds, and kings and lizards (I am NOT making any of this up). But as soon as eye contact was made across the aisle, the entire congregation lost it. The assembled body of Christ was lost to laughter for a good minute out of the service...And the Lord was truly praised. :)
5. Everyone needs a little Valium.
Seriously. Seriously. Seriously. For varying reasons and in varying amounts. Some of us need it every time we look at a class syllabus. Some of us need it every time we open our e-mail Inbox. Some of us need it every time we check the news (can I get a big Amen?), and some of us just need it period. (Some of us force-feed it to our animals, but that's a whole different thing.) The point is, we should not judge our different tendencies to freak out. We all have them. Some of us just push the panic button a little more in public than others. Seriously.
Coming up next on Dajji's Ponderings: It's Holy Hell Week! And WASF with the Family!
*** Ok, for the theme song: Sung to the tune of 'Spider Man', Here's what I have so far:
Logos-Man! Logos-Man! Does whatever Logos can!
God and human
were combined
to form one
master-
mind
Watch out!
Here comes logos-man!
Any thoughts for a second verse? Leave comments!
1. The day you put down grass seed will be the day the turkey shows up.
Inveritably, it will be. Who knew, but that the Close, in deepest, darkest Manhattan, had a reoccuring turkey that appeared every spring? And yet, the day that the intrepid maitenience department re-seeded the lawn was the day that the Turkey reappeared. Tis a mythic thing.
2. Never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State.
This comes from Dogma, but it is still a Rule o'Life. I was forceably reminded of this the other day at lunch, in discussions with a wonderful and fabulous scholar of various religious traditions. She was listing off all these different esoteric groups that had their American headquarters in New Jersey: Mandeans, Zoroastrians, the Drews, various Sufi and Sikh sects, the Antiochene church, a wide variety of Southeastern Asian Shi'a Muslim groups. Because if you're going to be a tiny tiny religious community, best get started in the Middle East, then move to New Jersey!
3. Sit next to people with senses of humor. Otherwise, life sucks.
I put jokes in my notes. Lots and lots of jokes. The more boring I think the class is, the more jokes appear in my notes. This helps me to study later, and helps me pay attention. (Though occasionally, I do crack myself up. When I constantly refer to Cyrus, King of Persia as 'Dreamy!Cyrus' in my notes on Second Isaiah, or begin to compose a theme song for the Antiochene 'Logos-Man!' in CH1, then it becomes too distracting.***) However, I type notes on my computer, and so they can be easily read by whoever is sitting next to me in class. When/if that person doesn't appreciate my occasional joke, pop culture reference, or perhaps, use of vulgarities, then the class is not as much fun.
4. Choir stall seating has MAJOR disadvantages on days when the lectionary is humorous.
So one day, for Morning Prayer, the reading was Proverbs 30:18-20, 24-33. Go ahead, read it. Look it up. This is possibly the most random reading in all of scripture. (A foretaste: "If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth. For as pressing milk produces curds, and pressing the nose produces blood, so pressing anger produces strife.") First off, it was 8am. No one had had coffee yet. And I give full credit to the reader, who was truly rocking this reading, and kept a total straight face, through the talk about ants, and badgers and curds, and kings and lizards (I am NOT making any of this up). But as soon as eye contact was made across the aisle, the entire congregation lost it. The assembled body of Christ was lost to laughter for a good minute out of the service...And the Lord was truly praised. :)
5. Everyone needs a little Valium.
Seriously. Seriously. Seriously. For varying reasons and in varying amounts. Some of us need it every time we look at a class syllabus. Some of us need it every time we open our e-mail Inbox. Some of us need it every time we check the news (can I get a big Amen?), and some of us just need it period. (Some of us force-feed it to our animals, but that's a whole different thing.) The point is, we should not judge our different tendencies to freak out. We all have them. Some of us just push the panic button a little more in public than others. Seriously.
Coming up next on Dajji's Ponderings: It's Holy Hell Week! And WASF with the Family!
*** Ok, for the theme song: Sung to the tune of 'Spider Man', Here's what I have so far:
Logos-Man! Logos-Man! Does whatever Logos can!
God and human
were combined
to form one
master-
mind
Watch out!
Here comes logos-man!
Any thoughts for a second verse? Leave comments!
posted by Dajjimeg at
1:46 PM
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