Hallmark theology

(am I blogging again so soon out of guilt for not blogging for a year?  Or because I'm bored without furniture?  You decide!!)

I have a younger brother, who works as a bouncer, at a bar, in Boston.  (Apparently, it has other job benefits besides alliteration.)  He wants to be a writer of some variety, or just to be the next Jon Stewart.  He and I have certain things in common, including a tendency to get bored easily, and to amuse ourselves with random jokes and sarcasm.

His latest endeavor is Christian cards.  At Christmas, he and I went to a local Hallmark store, and he asked this middle-aged woman where the religious cards were kept.  I thought she was going to hyperventilate, she was so happy.  She took him right over to the 'Inspirational' section, and proceeded to show him various cards that she found profound, and the boy just stood there, all thoughtful and respectful and whatnot.  Little did that poor woman know that he was just going to get them home, and mock them without mercy or pity.  (the Boy on the Creed:  'He will come again?'  Seriously?!  If I sleep with a girl, and don't call her, it's pretty clear I'm not coming back--how come we haven't gotten the hint after 2,000 years?!?')

So I've decided to share my graduation card with the interwebz, because it is one of his finer efforts.  The actual card text is in regular, the Boy's comments are in italics.

(Front of card:)

GOD is with you as you Graduate!

What makes us special is the signature of God on our lives. --Max Lucado

(Arrow to Lucado quote)  Taught Sunday school to 4yr olds;  that's where the quote's from.

(Inside the card, front flap:)

"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

If he didn't know his own plans that HE made, wouldn't that make you question if the Lord has his shit together?

(Inside card: text)

Wishing you a future alive with promise, rich with possibilities, filled with the wonder of His Love for you.  Happy Graduation.

What I love about this card is that it only talks about God loving you.  It makes no indication that the sender of the card has ever met, or even knows you.  The jist of it is: " God loves a graduate, and Boy! does his plan involve you in some possible way!'  While making no mention of 'Oh, by the way--this card isn't from God.  It's actually from a person you've met before."  Cards are stupid.

Gee, thanks brother!  :)